Last night I was presently surprised at how profound, interesting, and insightful the lecture given by Dr. Alvin S. Poussaint at the Hutchinson School was. Dr. Poussaint managed to speak on very heavy subjects such as race, poverty, outreach programs, and violence in a conversational and insightful manner. I was truly impressed by his insights.
The section of the lecture that stood out the most to me was his assesment of corporal punishment in the home and in the schools. Dr. Poussaint believes that when a parent "spanks" their child too often, it sends the child a message that violence is okay, and even necessary for survival. He even went on to suggest that prolonged child abuse negatively effects the thought and logic portion of a child's brain, causing them to have violent reactions and preventing them from having proper conflict resolution skills.
That portion of the lecture stood out to me because when I was growing up, I had one parent who believed in corporal punishment, and one who did not. I spent the majority of my time with my mother, who did not believe in corporal punishment, and I had other siblings who spent more time with my father who did. As a result, I am much more soft spoken, and a firm believer in conflict resolution, while they are not. While my other siblings are much more disciplined, I feel as if they lack the self confidence needed to truly be well rounded. I have personally thought a great deal about whether or not I should "spank" my own child, and I still have not decided, however, Dr. Poussaint helped put corporal punishment in perspective for me and for that I am grateful.
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Dr. Poussaint’s speech was a little unconventional to me. I was at a lecture done by Dr Maya Angelou about seven years ago and her lecture seemed more a lecture that I would have had at Michigan State University from one of my English Literature professors. On the other hand Dr. Poussaint reminded me of a conversation that a student would have with someone in academia that they truly admire. He was very straight forward in the things that he said and the point that he made about the effects on “whooping” children made me think twice about my parenting skills. I never thought that maybe the ideas that we give our children behind our discipline methods could in turn mold our children into heartless adults.
Just as you I was raised by my mother who lived by “spare the rod, spoil the child” and that was the first line of defense to get me to be the person that she wanted me to be. You made a great point that it does make you disciplined but it strips you of certain fee will and replaces it with fear. I was not a well mannered child because I wanted to be, I was a good student and respectful child because I was afraid not too be. So when I decided to have a child I vowed that I would raise my child with love and not with fear, that time out and taking things away could be as effective as “whooping” him. But then there is his father who is military and raised by a father that spanked him growing up, so I found myself taking the role as “spanker” to make sure that it was a little and not the manly “whooping”.
Well, with all that being said the speech made me rethink my parenting techniques. I have never “whipped “or “whooped” my son but I have popped his behind when he was unruly and uncontrollable and Dr. Poussaint made me feel guilty for that. I know that was not his intentions but the speech helped bring me to the basics that you and discipline with love and leave the hidden violence out of parenting. From that day I have not spanked my son and I have seen a greater response than I did before. I would like my son to carry the traits that you share… caring, mild-mannered, and soft spoken as well as know that violence is only an option for the weak and he is too strong for that. : )
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